The Dirty Word During Holidays

As a coach, this is by far my favorite word to use, but for many, it can be almost as polarizing as a political debate or religious beliefs. You know what it is...money. This dirty word can make a happy thankful discussion go south real quick. So why is it so polarizing and why does it cause so much tension?

For one, money is considered to be a very personal matter. People don't like to talk about their salaries, well at least some generations. According to a 2019 article, 58% of millennials have admitted to sharing their salaries with friends, while only 33% with baby boomers (I'm sure that number has fluctuated a little over the last 4 years). I can tell you that I have, but only with a very small circle of friends and not in any specifics.

Why are salaries such a sensitive topic?

If you consider baby boomers, they did not grow up with the vast internet at their disposal, with LinkedIn happily sharing titles, workplaces, etc. Whereas the millennials have grown up with this. A quick search in your particular field of study will give you a general salary range of what people make. So while it may seem like a secret to you, in reality, it really is not too much if someone really wants to find out.

Second reason why, is no one really wants to ask or broach this topic without the right context. We all have our thoughts that someone must be "rich" based on the car they drive or the house they live in. But in reality, it is not one of those topics that anyone wants to dig into.

There seems to be a perception in my area, that people who live in our township are the "rich." My kids face this perception in school all the time. While I've openly shared my net worth on social media, I am quick to point out that our homes, cars, or anything we have does not make us rich. I share with them some key principles that I have followed and taught which allow us to have what we have, but the term "rich" is quite a loose term that cannot simply be measured by the outside. I know plenty who play rich, but in reality, have very little.

Finally, it is ingrained in our culture not to share facts about money. I can remember conversations growing up when my parents were irritated by someone presuming or knowing their salary. No doubt this impacted me as I grew and had a colleague ask me what kind of raise I got. As I started down this path of financial coaching, my wife and I mentioned it to several friends and family members. 2 couples actually admitted to going through Financial Peace University and paying off all their debt. I looked at them and said, why didn't you tell me about this? Simple response, I don't know or I never thought about it. This goes back to reason one, it is a very personal matter, engrained in culture, and really people do not want to admit when they need help. Most are happy to take this on their own and when it goes well, celebrate silently.

Money does not have to be a dirty word, but sharing your experience with others can help you to further get control of your situation and spread the good news to someone who needs it. Sharing our income with others may give hope or excitement to a colleague about what is possible. Chances are if you are a high earner, you have worked hard to make that salary, so be proud of it and use it to encourage others and or admit where you still need help, because even many high earners are still living paycheck to paycheck.

Pearson’s Law says when performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates.

As you get around the table this holiday season, do not be afraid to share a bit about your journey. Introduce someone to the key principles around budgeting and while you are at it, introduce them to me if you like and let me share with them how they can find wealth, wellness, and well-being.

If you found this topic interesting and would like to read more on this very topic, here is a long article from the Insider that I found entertaining on sharing your salary. https://www.businessinsider.com/salary-pay-transparency-jobs-income-taboo-equity-2023-1

So...what is my salary? I'm not going to share, but I would consider it in the right conversation among friends.